In case you were wondering, the baby is out. I am no longer pregnant. He arrived via cesarean on May 19th, weighing in at 7lbs. #iguessthatdailyicecreamdidntbeefhimup
Now that we are a family of four, we are officially shutting down the baby making factory. #wellnotsuperofficial #thehusbandwontgetsnipped #notcurrenltytakingbirthcontrol #hadfertilitytreatmentswithbothkids #whataretheodds
Anyway, I decided to look back at my 2 month post about Mason where I told you the things I have learned so far, and compare it with one child vs. now with 2 children.
One Child: *You go to target for toothpaste & laundry detergent, but come out with 2 outfits for the baby, diapers, wipes, batteries for the swing, and any other fun baby items you just have to have- BUT NO TOOTHPASTE or LAUNDRY DETERGENT
Two Children: *You do whatever it takes to pawn the children off on someone so you can go to Target for some peace and quiet. And when the person watching your kids (typically your husband) calls you with children screaming in the background while you are trying on clothes and haven’t even begun buying what you went there for, you lie and say you are on your way home #surehoneyimpullinginthedriveway #fortheloveofgodjustgiveme30minutesofpeace
One Child: *Your friends & family must now talk to the baby on the phone when they call you- so surprisingly you get fewer phone calls
Two Children: *You have mastered the art of talking on the phone while one kid is asking you to help him with something, and the other one is hanging off your boob, and when they ask how the kids are, you just say fine and quickly change the subject because you desperately want to talk about adult things, not children #noreallyidontwanttotalkaboutkids #wellalittlebutnotthewholeconversation
One Child:*You put a lot of effort in finding the baby the perfect outfit to wear, and when you get yourself dressed, you don’t even realize the shirt you are leaving the house in has baby puke on it
Two Children: *Perfect outfit? You don’t even care if it matches, you just need to get those tiny humans dressed and out the door, while making yourself look presentable and having the tiny one yet again hang off your boob #dontforgettoputtheboobawaywhenyouwalkoutthedoor #ifyoudontohwelltheneighborsgetashow #whocares #youveseenoneboobyouveseenthemall
One Child: *You never realized how loud a restaurant or a mall is until you had a sleeping baby. Also, you tend to hang out less with friends who don’t have kids because they just don’t understand the concept of being quiet while baby is sleeping or why you just can’t go to dinner at 9pm anymore
Two Children: *That second kid better get used to noise real quick, because that big kid and the two dogs are very loud. And 9pm is the standard dinner time now, whether it’s at a restaurant or at home #yesimtakingmykidsouttodinnerat9pm #weeatwhenthetinyoneisasleep
One Child: *People like to ask you, with a SMILE on their face “Does the baby cry a lot? I bet he never sleeps, right?” Look- just because you had a terrible experience with your children, doesn’t mean that I did! For the record, Mason only cries when he is hungry or has gas, and he goes to bed between 7-8pm, sleeps 4-5 hours, wakes up to eat/change diaper, goes back to sleep for 3 hours, eat/change diaper, then sleeps for 2.5-3 more hours. SO YES, I do get sleep!
Two Children: *First off, no one talks to you, they just stare with either anger because the big one is being a monster, and the little one is screaming. Or they look with sympathy for the same reasons. No need to ask if he cries, because trust me, you will hear him #thattinyonelikestocry
One Child: *At 2 months old, you have now mastered the snaps on the baby clothes, but you have now came across outfits with buttons! Really, buttons? Are you kidding me?!
Two Children: *The snaps are still annoying, mastered or not… #seriouslywhoinventedthose
One Child: *Also at 2 months, you have started really going through the babies room & finding stuff you had purchased or you received at your baby shower, and you think- “Why the hell did I need/want this?”
Two Children: *You realize you have no diapers left at 2am when he just pooped his pants #canthoseberinsed #thestartofclothdiapering
One Child: *You see a $1 off coupon for pampers wipes & get excited, and a $5 off coupon for formula- you do a little dance!
Two Children: *Coupons? #aintnobodygottimeforthat
One Child: *If the baby has a wet diaper, and you are in a hurry, it’s “ok” if you don’t use a wipe. (I’m saying like 1 out of 75 diaper changes- not all the time- and don’t sit there reading this and say “I always use a wipe”- don’t kid yourself and don’t judge me!)
Two Children: *Hell, I barely use a wipe for poop #judgeawayidontcare #nothatsnotmustardonmyhand
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